ritual
Jen Steele
"Motherhood made me more vulnerable; much closer to sorrow, pain, and also the idea of enlightenment. I find myself moving more slowly, waiting, looking more — enjoying, when I can, the privilege of patience and reflection."
ritual
Jen Steele
"Motherhood made me more vulnerable; much closer to sorrow, pain, and also the idea of enlightenment. I find myself moving more slowly, waiting, looking more — enjoying, when I can, the privilege of patience and reflection."
Growing up in Wisconsin in the nineties, I saw very few women in creative roles — or men for that matter. I had no idea being a photographer could be my occupation, expression, or livelihood someday. But without realizing it, I was doing it. In my teenage years I took to a Polaroid my mother bought me from Walmart and would buy disposable cameras with the money I earned waitressing. Then, as a senior in high school, I interned at the local newspaper and was given a digital camera and assignments like photographing eagles by the river and all the different churches in town. For the first time in my young life, I experienced recognition for something I made — which was incredible and formative for me.
Later, after I moved to New York and worked in magazines, I was archiving my set photos and fitting Polaroids and I decided it was time. At 28 I quit my job and began building my portfolio. I created a website called Girls I Know in 2012 — a collection of portraits and interviews of brilliant women I had met in my first decade in New York City. It was a beautiful project and a moment in my life that I'll never forget. Soon, I was hired to do what I did on that platform for brands and other clients, and I could live off my work as a photographer. I've now been doing so for fourteen years.
My creative process, at its most essential: not knowing much about what or who I am about to photograph. Getting a sense of the natural and available light in a room. Beginning, and then knowing when I have the shot, and stopping.
I care about the heart of the matter and I'm always searching for it. The people who raised me had a lot of spirit, humor, charisma, and grit — and were also absolutely flawed. My eyes move toward these characteristics in people and environments. I'd never ask a subject to smile. Instead, I'd tell a joke.
The three matriarchs in my life laughed with abandon, and it was so glorious to watch. The freedom to enjoy yourself in life is such a special and wonderful thing. These are the memories that shaped my interpretation of beauty. I find laughter and generosity of spirit to be the avenues of beauty for humans — natural faces, aging without cosmetic intervention. Other objects that stand out: my mother's eye shadow compacts sparkling in the sun, my grandmother's Lancôme mascara'd big brown eyes, silver dancing shoes my cousin gave me, water glistening all around me in the lakes and rivers of Wisconsin.
“I find laughter and generosity of spirit to be the avenues of beauty for humans — natural faces, aging without cosmetic intervention.”
There is a tension, sometimes, between documenting life and being present in it. I remember feeling this at the Women's March on Washington. My mother had died in December of that year. I moved in with my boyfriend — now husband — and decided to take the Amtrak down alone. I wanted to get the shots of the anger, the frustration, and the unity. Then there are days like the one I just had — a baby shower to celebrate my second child. My friends threw me a gorgeous celebration. I meant to bring my cameras but subconsciously left them at home.
Motherhood made me more vulnerable; much closer to sorrow, pain, and also the idea of enlightenment. I find myself moving more slowly, waiting, looking more — enjoying, when I can, the privilege of patience and reflection. What surprised me most about the mother I've become is that the childhood I had left an imprint on me that I hadn't noticed until I had my own child.
The work of ending negative cycles is not for the weak of heart. My son has taught me how to be a better listener. I love waiting for him to finish his sentences and thoughts. I have not always done this for adults, and I've been working on that.
My mornings begin early — I'm the first in the house to rise. After washing my face with warm and then cold water and applying serum, I sit with my dog Ernie and finish watching the sunrise on our settee. We have a low building behind our east-facing windows, and the light is incredible and refreshing. I'm so grateful for that light.
Then my son wakes and tells me what's on his mind. I make myself a Moon Juice electrolyte drink before having coffee, then prepare our breakfast — a pretty glamorous rotation of buttery oatmeal, chia pancakes, sourdough French toast, eggs and avocado, or Lovebird cereal and whole milk. Next it's a brief comb of the hair and LESSE sunscreen. My favorite LESSE essential is the Bioactive Mask. It leaves my skin feeling new and fresh. I love it as a ritual, too.